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Tonight's audience shout out is to a drunk guy from British Columbia.

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He calls it a reenactment. He takes a few moments to adjust his clothing, touch up his hair and prepare himself mentally to portray himself. He turns to face his audience, and in his best dumb guy voice delivers the line, "Uhhh He claims he normally doesn't do this, but he did so one year ago today.

Here we go: I'm going to begin grooming my son to be Ladies want sex tonight Morton successor. I would love to have a gallery showing of my clown paintings.

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I am going to speak up more at my book club. I'm gonna get Ladies want sex tonight Morton a new yoga mat. Bring home a competitive eating trophy. At my next Scientology seminar, I'm gonna introduce myself to Tom Cruise. Aretha Franklin is getting married to her longtime friend, William "Willie" Wilkerson.

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My God, no! No, Dave!

Oh, come on. Excuse me, Alan. What is the problem? Maybe I misheard you. What'd you say? Come in real close and tight. Tight, dammit!

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You're makin' a mistake. I want you to look me in the eye, and if you tell me you love him more than me, I will walk away. Three days, and he's already ruined the new year. Alright, that's Ladies want sex tonight Morton. Thank you. Dave likes it Ladifs a Republican front-runner is getting his way, and Mitt Romney throws some money to run a bunch of negative commercials.

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Then the guy starts whining. Newt Gingrich says every commercial — no matter what for — in Iowa has something negative to say about him. Also, Newt Gingrich is an Ladirs.

Forty dishes. All delicious. Dave's on the Twitter machine again, and he's decided to lie about who's on the show.

He claims Norv Turner is on. Dave hasfollowers on Twitter now. Dave claims Buddy Hackett is on tonight, too. Dave's taking to piracy on Twitter.

Instead of retweeting, he's cutting and pasting. He decides to rip off a Jimmy Fallon tweet.

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Dave and Will tag team a tweet to Fallon. We have a different twist on the audience shout out tonight. Dave announces that he has appointed an audience leader.

Dave begins to point out something when the screen crashes to the floor and explodes. Oh, well.

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New Jersey's Governor Chris Christie isn't running for president after all. Here's another look at his press conference. What he has to say isn't quite the point, as we marvel at the governor's sandwich construction Edison New Jersey lonely housewives. It's a multi-decker production, with a heaping helping of mustard on top, all made while the governor speaks.

Mitt Romney: Dave got on the eharmony. Nice to see you! How're ya doin'? What do you have for us tonight, Joe? If Rick Santorum is able to build on his momentum and finish strong in the Granite State, Ladies want sex tonight Morton could Ladies want sex tonight Morton the Romney campaign's claim of inevitability.

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I'm gonna stop you right there. You know that you're dressed like Elvis? And, uh, was that in the script? Dave says he wasn't going to name Hitler in the earlier desk chat.

He meant to say Daniel Boone. Paul opines that Hitler is stronger. Dave just got confused. Dave got on ancestry. For example, his mother was Marilyn Monroe, and his father was Harvey Lembeck.

Dave hasfollowers today.

Brian Williams beats up a punk on the sidewalk after his interview. Dude looked at Brian funny, I guess, so he needed a knee to the trousers. We see a highly mountainous area, Ladies want sex tonight Morton hear in a Middle-Eastern accent: Holy crap!

Nice bedside manner, by the way.

The Digital Storm Troopers stand by, just offstage, for the remainder of the telecast. You know Ron Paul? Oh, my God. Ron Paul Nobody's ever seen his wife. You ever think tohight it It's because he keeps her in the factory, turnin' out those fish sticks.

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Face the Nation graphic Bob: So my resolution is to win primaries next year. And become the nominee. Dave complains about having to do his own tweeting. He doesn't know how it works, and can't get anyone to tweet him back. He tweets, "Don't play with your button.

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His great great great grandmother lived next door to Argentinian soccer superstar Diego Maradona! There's a woman on the staff who is a homosexual lesbian.

OK, it's executive producer Barbara Gaines. Gaines needed to hail a cab. When it pulled over, she kissed her wife, Ari, goodbye.

When she got in, the cab driver asked, "Are you French? She's a great guest. Dave tweets that he's had surgery on his face. Tonight's followers count: Not to be outdone by last night's sidewalk indiscretion perpetrated by Brian Williams, as Tina Fey exits onto 53rd Street, she sees a vehicle by the curb, searches a dumpster and extracts a bat, then smashes the wantt of the unsuspecting Ladies want sex tonight Morton.

Dave says welcome to the Late Show clothing drive. It's a shout out to Ladied audience guy who Ladies want sex tonight Morton a shirt on him. It's two female anchors gobbling grapes as fast as they can.

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Dave does his execution gag, with full sparky sound effects and blinking lights. Boobytrapped debate podiums. A mallet rises from the lectern on a scissor jack, then begins conking Governor Romney on the side of his noggin.